Part 2
The second reason this organization was established is admittedly grimmer, gruesome and disturbing to say the least. This is not a pretty tale, but it is my hope that by sharing this awful true story others can understand the need for Death Care Aware. In the winter of 2017 I decided to change careers and began pursuing my education in Mortuary Science. My goals were to become a licensed funeral director and embalmer. While I was schooling I decided to take a position working as a Family Counselor for a major cemetery memorial garden. This position consisted of many duties, and among those were working with families to make final burial arrangements for their loved ones. I hadn't been there but a short time when we received a death call known as a first call which is when a family or a funeral home calls the cemetery to inform us of a deceased person and from there we meet with the family to make and carry out the arrangements.
At the appointment this young lady arrived at our office with her cousin straight from the hospital still wearing her hospital bracelet and walking slowly from having delivered just a day or so before. I was still in training so my position at the time was to shadow a senior counselor as she walked the family through the process. As the paper work and authorization for burial was being conducted the subject of payment naturally came up. The young lady hung her head low and through tears let us know that she herself didn't have any money, but that she was expecting a few donations and collections to be brought in any day now and assured us we would be paid for our services. When it comes to completing a burial at our park 4 things are recommended A space/plot, opening and closing of that space, a vault, and a memorial. Now out of those 4 only 3 are required up front which would be the first 3. So the next day a check was dropped off by a church to our office which in fact paid for two of those items, the space and the o/c. This is very common for people to pay for at the cemetery because the 3rd item being the vault can be purchased directly from the funeral home and not from necessarily from us which we were told was done in this particular case.
We informed the young girl that her space and o/c had been paid for and that we can proceed with the service. On the day of the service I was asked to go out to the cemetery and lead the hearse and family cars into our park and direct them to the grave site which I did. As I stood at the service observing the mother and other mourners grief I noticed I didn't see the vault. Now granted this was my first service to stand and I wasn't sure if maybe infant services were performed differently so maybe there was a reasonable explanation for the vaults absence. I looked over at the funeral director and he immediately indicated that he still had the vault in the back off the hearse and will pull it out once the family vacates to which I nodded. Soon the minister closed out his benediction and the committal was performed which dismissed the family back to their vehicles.
I stayed behind because it was also my duty to stay and make sure that the casket is lowered into the ground efficiently. The maintenance supervisor and regional manager walked over and asked me “where is the vault?” I tell them that the funeral director said it was in the back of the hearse so they turned and ask the director to go get it. The director begins to act rather strange and nervous as he slowly walks back up the to hearse but doesn't return. We all are now standing at this open grave watching the director look inside of his hearse yet not grabbing the vault and bringing it back down to be buried. Finally my regional manager motions for the director to come now and bring the vault immediately.
What happened next changed my view of death care forever. The director reached inside and picked up a white container. It was an odd looking object from that distance and he and walked it back down to us sitting it at our feet. My manager says, "what's this, where is the vault?" The director replies "I don't have a vault because the family couldn't afford one but I went and got this to use instead." What the funeral director intended on using as an outer burial container for an infant was a regular styrofoam cooler. Just your regular run of the mill convenient store cooler, the only thing missing was the ice. I gasped in disbelief. At this point I didn't know a lot about burial but I knew you shouldn't bury a human being in a cooler. Can you imagine the weight of all that dirt piled up on a styrofoam box. It would be crushed and the contents of the box totally destroyed. A vault protects the integrity of your loved ones precious remains. This cooler would cave completely in within minutes! My manager erupted and insisted that the director go back and buy a properly sound outer burial container or else we would file a complaint with the state board. The director barked back that he's done many infant burials before and assured us this would suffice but my manager insisted otherwise. I left that services with two lessons in mind. First the importance of memorializing every life with dignity and second that no child should ever be buried with such little regard because the family couldn't afford final expenses. Thus Death Care Aware was established to uphold these ideals and make sure that nothing like this ever has to happened to a grieving family again.
At the appointment this young lady arrived at our office with her cousin straight from the hospital still wearing her hospital bracelet and walking slowly from having delivered just a day or so before. I was still in training so my position at the time was to shadow a senior counselor as she walked the family through the process. As the paper work and authorization for burial was being conducted the subject of payment naturally came up. The young lady hung her head low and through tears let us know that she herself didn't have any money, but that she was expecting a few donations and collections to be brought in any day now and assured us we would be paid for our services. When it comes to completing a burial at our park 4 things are recommended A space/plot, opening and closing of that space, a vault, and a memorial. Now out of those 4 only 3 are required up front which would be the first 3. So the next day a check was dropped off by a church to our office which in fact paid for two of those items, the space and the o/c. This is very common for people to pay for at the cemetery because the 3rd item being the vault can be purchased directly from the funeral home and not from necessarily from us which we were told was done in this particular case.
We informed the young girl that her space and o/c had been paid for and that we can proceed with the service. On the day of the service I was asked to go out to the cemetery and lead the hearse and family cars into our park and direct them to the grave site which I did. As I stood at the service observing the mother and other mourners grief I noticed I didn't see the vault. Now granted this was my first service to stand and I wasn't sure if maybe infant services were performed differently so maybe there was a reasonable explanation for the vaults absence. I looked over at the funeral director and he immediately indicated that he still had the vault in the back off the hearse and will pull it out once the family vacates to which I nodded. Soon the minister closed out his benediction and the committal was performed which dismissed the family back to their vehicles.
I stayed behind because it was also my duty to stay and make sure that the casket is lowered into the ground efficiently. The maintenance supervisor and regional manager walked over and asked me “where is the vault?” I tell them that the funeral director said it was in the back of the hearse so they turned and ask the director to go get it. The director begins to act rather strange and nervous as he slowly walks back up the to hearse but doesn't return. We all are now standing at this open grave watching the director look inside of his hearse yet not grabbing the vault and bringing it back down to be buried. Finally my regional manager motions for the director to come now and bring the vault immediately.
What happened next changed my view of death care forever. The director reached inside and picked up a white container. It was an odd looking object from that distance and he and walked it back down to us sitting it at our feet. My manager says, "what's this, where is the vault?" The director replies "I don't have a vault because the family couldn't afford one but I went and got this to use instead." What the funeral director intended on using as an outer burial container for an infant was a regular styrofoam cooler. Just your regular run of the mill convenient store cooler, the only thing missing was the ice. I gasped in disbelief. At this point I didn't know a lot about burial but I knew you shouldn't bury a human being in a cooler. Can you imagine the weight of all that dirt piled up on a styrofoam box. It would be crushed and the contents of the box totally destroyed. A vault protects the integrity of your loved ones precious remains. This cooler would cave completely in within minutes! My manager erupted and insisted that the director go back and buy a properly sound outer burial container or else we would file a complaint with the state board. The director barked back that he's done many infant burials before and assured us this would suffice but my manager insisted otherwise. I left that services with two lessons in mind. First the importance of memorializing every life with dignity and second that no child should ever be buried with such little regard because the family couldn't afford final expenses. Thus Death Care Aware was established to uphold these ideals and make sure that nothing like this ever has to happened to a grieving family again.
